Did you know that every time I walk into a theatre I feel unbelievably depressed. I don't know what to do with my thoughts. I feel so sad. Sometimes I cry. I hate going to the theatre because of how it makes me feel.

Strange thing to feel sad about. I suppose if you saw the worst play in the world it could damage you. But I have seen lots of great plays. I'd call some of the plays amazing. I feel depressed when I go into theatres because I gave it up. I stopped participating in any form of drama. I stopped acting, stage managing, directing, doing costumes. I just stopped. I decided that I could never do anything with it. I got hurt by a nasty drama teacher. I was a bit broken. I had no faith in myself or my abilities.

Leaving is like a curse that followed me around. It would hit me with a punch every time I walked into a theatre. Last week my kindergarten took our oldest students for their dress rehearsal for their graduation in a theatre. All of my sadness washed over me as we walked in there. I wandered around backstage when I had a chance. I breathed in the atmosphere and decided that that was it. I was no longer going to carry my disappointment around with me like a weight.

I have an audition for A Streetcar Named Desire tomorrow. It has been so long since I acted. I am very nervous and very excited. I'm trying to get a monologue under my belt and I've just finished reviewing the play. There are several unknowns. If I find out the play goes up when I'm supposed to go to my brother's wedding, I won't be able to do it. But I'm out there. I'm trying. Whether I get a part or not I think I will be able to start walking into theatres and feeling glad I did.