A doctor appointment:

Dave and I enter the room. This nurse/assistant says, "Put your bag there and lay down on this table. And you, (Dave) go sit over there (behind a screen)."

The assistant asks me, "So you have never had an ultrasound?"
Wait 2 beats.
The doctor asks Dave, "So your wife has never had an ultrasound?"

We both say no. I skipped the 12 week dating ultrasound because I thought it was unnecessary and I want to avoid too many interventions. Neither person asks us why we missed the ultrasound and it seems as though they think that I simply forgot to attend.
 
I lay down on the bed...and then....I am totally getting forcibly undressed by this assistant. No, 'can you lift up your shirt?' 'Can you show me your belly?' No asking, just grabbing. I-ya!

I am suddenly surrounded by a Dr, 2 medical students and an assistant. No one introduces themselves. The doctor sticks a FREEZING cold stethoscope on my chest. Brrrr. The medical students stare.

Then before i know what hit me, a freezing doppler is stuck to my stomach. That is when I put the stops on. "Stop. What are you doing?" I say.
"This is my assistant" says the doctor.
"No, no, no, WHAT are you doing? Is that a doppler?"
"Those are my medical students....do you want them to leave?" She looks at the students and gives them a dirty look. Like they had totally disrupted her flow.
"NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Is that a doppler?"
She looks at me like I'm crazy and says, "Yes it is a doppler, I'm listening for the baby's heartbeat."
"OK, thank you." (Thank you for finally listening to my question.)

She finds the heartbeat and I get all warm and gooshy. I have been having a recurring fear that I actually have a stomach tumor and not a fetus. Well, at least my tumor has a heartbeat.

While all of this is happening, Dave is stuck behind a screen. Like he has never seen what my stomach looks like. Like there is some sort of modesty to preserve. Let me tell you ladies, modesty in this relationship disappeared a loooong time ago.

The doctor finishes listening and wipes the goop off my stomach. I am now allowed to sit up and go behind the screen. The doctor begins to dismiss me. I haven't been asked if I had any questions or concerns.

I broke down at school the week before because I really hated the way I was being treated in the hospital and my principal had this great wisdom to share. "Don't care about them. They are very busy and need to get through many people but you must demand that they answer your questions. So if they seem impatient with you, ignore them and demand answers."
 
So I start asking. "I think I have pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel. Is there anything I can do?"
"You should do more exercise." the doctor says.
"I easily get cramps while walking. Is this normal?"
"It's normal. You should walk more slowly." the doctor says.

Note to self, do more exercise but do it slowly. Ok.

"I have a head cold and would like a sick leave certificate for all of today."
"Do you have a fever?"
"No."
"If you have a fever, you should go see a doctor." (Aren't you a doctor?)
She is actually very reluctant to give me a sick leave certificate and it appears that she wants me to waste more time and money going to a different doctor to get a sick certificate. I have to remind her that I need the certificate.

After this exchange, she just stops talking to me. Her assistant takes over. I am told that if I miss my 20 week ultrasound, I don't get any other ones. Ok. I am also told that if I go a week overdue that I am to admit myself to the hospital. I nod my head but know that there is no way on earth I will go and admit myself to the hospital for only being a week overdue without any other concerns. (note: I'll not be playing footloose and fancy free with my health, I'll be under the care of a private midwife.)

And with that, I leave. I'm happy to have heard Otis's heartbeat, but man-oh-man, if we have a second kid, he/she will not be born in Hong Kong.